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November 5th, 2005

Snagged from IMDb Message Board @ 02:46 am

mangoprophetess:
I'm currently feelin: silly silly
I'm currently hearin: U2 - Lemon

I got this from "carmellove2678" over on the Bono message board on the Internet Movie Database.

Now, I think most of us are aware, but for those who aren't, Henry Rollins (ex-lead singer of Black Flag, current lead singer of the Rollins Band, spoken word artist, poet, and actor) kind of hates on U2. Saying The Clash is the band our boys wanted to be but never could, bitching that they took a year off to make Achtung Baby, stuff like that.


Lemondrop Presents:
Henry Rollins: Confessions of The Ego Of An Ex-U2-Hating Steroid Freak

Hey, I'm Henry Rollins' ego. I know, i know. You hate me. Well, you hate old Hank. yep, big bad Hankey boy. But, really, it's all me, baby. Muscles, java & 'roids! The conceptualist artist of hot air. I could fart & feel the need to put a pricetag on it.

See, kids, I got jealous a long, long time ago... of U2's massive success. Not to mention Bono getting all the real babes while I got the one's with no brains, no soul & ta tas that weren't really, um, real. That's what I get for living in LA? No shinola, dude.

(What? He's stuck with just the one babe? His wife? What a putz. No one stays with the wife. Man, he should be COMMITTED. To an institution. ha ha)

Anyway, in the 90's, as you know, I went off on U2. Went off bad about how they took a YEAR... a whole freaking year... to do an album. Um, I think that was the harshest I got. Fair play, man! Fair play. Anyway, I yanked off about how we & the boys (my band, i mean, not 'my' boys... cough cough) would disappear into a studio deep in the woods with several guys. To a cabin. To play. Er, instruments. And yell a lot. You calling me a homo?

We just would roll tape, fire off a song, smoke a blunt, then ATV around the cabin till the producer came by with the real stuff. Like he could produce a record! Ha! I don't need no babysitter, dude, telling me what SOUNDS good. I know what SOUNDS good. I'm mother------ Henry Rollins.

Shut up! Behold me! Now!

Anywhoo...then U2 squeezed out Zooropa. Not only between legs of a massive world tour, but them Irish boys did it in 3 months. Either they were showing Rollins (and thus me) off, or they were still plenty peaved at Negativland (i heard from someone that it was the musical equivalent to watching the movie DELIVERANCE -- nawh, me I heard sweet music!)

So I guess I've changed my tune since then. And I smile a lot more too. That's cause I'm on Paxil. And I cut the java to a teeny minimum. Only 1 pitcher a day, dude. It's hard, but I gets along.

Yeah, so get this, listening to U2 while not on 12 pitchers of java, dude, changes things. Man, Achtung Baby, or whatever that was called, sounded like it went by in 2 minutes way back then. That fast, I'd hear things. I thought The Edge was out to get me. Their first single was a song about a bug. Gross. I would start hitting the stereo with a flyswatter. "Get out of my stereo, you pest!" I'd scream. Or I would scream at the wall and yell "I am a liar! I will burn your soul!" or "I want to disconnect myself". Well, since no one pretty much bought many Rollins Band cds, well, the cable gets disconnected.

So what changed really? Hey, I caught on to U2, dude. And with acting, I was getting exposure outside my 'roid-freak homoerotic friends, man. I found out there was more to life than circle jerks with my buds watching THE WARRIORS over & over while free-basing & huffing Whippits.

Dude, I was in BLACK FLAG. Ponder that. Worship me. Take in my essense. Yeah, smell that. I had greatness. I wasn't just talk, like sometimes I can get on my HANKY GO SPEAKY NOW TOURS. I owned. I still do, but this time, I got a super wicked idea:

Dude, my next project will be all U2 covers. Only not with kazoos. Dude, Mexican trumpets. Think! Can you dig a Mexicana version of U2 songs? Everything sounding like Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire? Ha! I betcha you're jealous you didn't think it first.

So catch me on my 25th anniversary tour. And I'm doing U2. And when I'm doing 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'... you're gonna dig the Mariachi horns.

It's all mine, baby, all mine.

U2 wont sue either. They will instead see the light. I thought their last album could have used some real brass.

And you, dude, you will be blown away.

Rollins out.


"Ring of Fire" style U2 makes me all kinds of happy. :D

Now, I don't have to feel so guilty about liking Henry Rollins all these years (even though the video for "Liar" still scares the hell out of me).
 
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Comments

 
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From:interiority
Date:November 5th, 2005 07:51 am (UTC)
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Rollins is a twat.
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From:themegs
Date:November 5th, 2005 07:52 am (UTC)
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...he didn't really write that.
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From:malaria
Date:November 5th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC)
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Whether he actually wrote that or not (methinks he didn't), I will never, ever like Henry Rollins. Asshole isn't a strong enough word for him.
From:striped_bouncer
Date:November 5th, 2005 11:57 am (UTC)
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He sounds like a real idiot to me.
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From:volare
Date:November 5th, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC)
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whether he wrote it or not... *shrug*
I've always liked his spoken-word stuff. His obsession with U2 just kinda makes me giggle....

...cuz ol' Hank just needs to give up and admit he's hopelessly attracted to the B-man. Back in the mid 80s all he could talk about was Bono's "bubble butt"....
no word of a lie.
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From:mrslat
Date:November 5th, 2005 04:10 pm (UTC)
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Man, that's totally a satire.
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From:typewriterking
Date:November 6th, 2005 01:11 am (UTC)
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That was excellent. I could imagine Rollins ranting like that.

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